Last & Final 😨
Well I can't believe that it is here, but
this is my last and final email to you from the mission field. It just sounds
weird honestly, I never imagined that a mission would move this fast. That here
it is, in 10 days I will be back in America wearing jeans and sleeping in. It
will be weird to take off the name badge, to not walk down the streets and feel
like I have to approach everyone around the next corner. I am not nervous about
adjusting to home life, I know however it will just brake my heart to not be
able to be here, and serve these people anymore. It brakes my heart just
thinking about next week.
In my final week we have a lot to do. We
are preparing for the baptism of Zhen Hao. I am so excited for him. He honestly
has been a huge example to me of how through the atonement of Christ All can
change, and all can be made whole. So like I always do with baptism week, I
will share a little about his conversion story.
Zhen Hao met the sisters back in January.
He is a student from China and has lived here for about two years. He thought
the Book of Mormon was really cool because he liked learning. However the
problem was that he didn't see the point of meeting, because he was a student.
He almost told the sisters he didn't want want to met anymore, one of the sisters
in response told him that if he really wants to find out, he needed to feel the
spirit. Which in essence meant they needed to meet more. So they then they
started meeting twice a week. We had a really good member named Chung (also
from China) who started coming on joint teaches to help translate and explain
things that Zhen Hao didn't quite understand. Through time, Zhen Hao learned to
recognize the spirit, he still had troubles praying often and coming to church,
but he read the Book of Mormon like a champ. They asked him to be baptized
multiple times, but every time he responded that he just needed to learn more.
The sisters worked so close with him trying to help him gain the faith and
knowledge he wanted to have. Even In the last 6 weeks that I have come to know
this man, I have see his faith and testimony grow sooo strong. He has changed
and he is so ready. He is so excited for his special day and I can't wait to
tell you all about it, but this time in person. Please pray for him this week..
I just wanted to say how grateful I am to
have had the wonderful opportunity to serve here as a missionary in the Berlin
Germany Mission. This wonderful privilege and opportunity has helped me in so
many wonderful ways I don't even know where to begin. This mission has become
the greatest conversion for my testimony of the Gospel and its principles.
Everyday I watched the hand of the Lord in our work, and everyday I felt his
love and immense power from above. There is no possibility that he is not
there, or taking care right now of each and everyone of his children.
This mission has been a truly humbling
experience for me, some of those experiences being so sacred to my heart I will
not write them in my letter today. However, through those humbling experience I
have learned something truly important, and that is, What it means to be a
Missionary.
To be honest I never knew what missionaries
did before I came out here. I was scared, and I was insecure about every detail of
missionary work. I thought I had to learn and do this all on my own. It tore me
apart, and I struggled for the first 6 months of my mission. I constantly
wondered what I as doing here, and if I was even good enough for this job. I had
forgotten one important detail about this work. One day I had a reminder that
there was someone who knew exactly how I felt, and that was the Savior. It was
mentioned in a Zone conference as one of President Kosak's Favorite scriptures.
Philippians 4 "13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
I started relying on him more to help me though out my day, I felt his love,
his guidance and his strength in my day to day life.
I started to realize what missionary work
meant. What our purpose as missionaries actually meant. As I continued to learn
and grow it came clearer to me that this mission was about becoming more like
Christ as we invite others to come unto him. It was clearer to me that unless
we also our inviting ourselves to become more like him, there is no possible
way we could invite others to do the same. It was in that moment I started
adjusting my thought process of what missionary work really means.
One quote from elder Uchtdorf describes
perfectly what my stance on missionary work is. He says, "My dear friends
and fellow priesthood holders, if Jesus Christ were to sit down with us and ask
for an accounting of our stewardship, I am not sure He would focus much on
programs and statistics. What the Savior would want to know is the condition of
our heart. He would want to know how we love and minister to those in our care,
how we show our love to our spouse and family, and how we lighten their daily
load. And the Savior would want to know how you and I grow closer to Him and to
our Heavenly Father." (On being Genuine April 2015)
Missionary work is about ministering to
those in our care, and showing love to those we teach, by lightening their
daily load, by sharing the message of the gospel, and helping them find the
peace and joy through the Savior himself. Numbers, looks, statistics, programs
all those things in the grand scheme of it all don't matter. They are the icing
on the cake, to make it look pretty but don't contribute to the what is really
on the inside. We can't measure what the savior would have done. We can't
measure changed hearts and conversion. We can't measure obedience or willingness to fallow
the Savior, we can't measure how the atonement is working in our lives and that
is why numbers don't matter. Missionary work is about doing what the Savior
would do. Listening to the spirit, fallowing the promptings of the holy Ghost
and going about cqninutally doing good as we preach the word of God.
As my attitude changed, that is when I
started to really see the Hand of the Lord in my work. I knew he was always
there to help, but He was waiting for me to learn that I am just a tool in
helping others feel his love. As I started noticing the miracles and changes he
did help me bring so many children unto him. I am so blessed in so many ways I
can not even describe my thanks to my Father in Heaven. However, I never let my
self get down when I knew maybe today I only planted a seed, or maybe they are
not a new investigator, but I did all that I could.
I know now that as I trust in my savior,
and just do his will he will guide me and tell me what I need to do. I have
learned from leadership he always has something prepared for his children to
learn, and he always has something for us to do. We have to listen and accept
his will. We have to change ourselves for him. Sometimes things don't go the
way we planned or sometimes we don't get what we want when we want it , however they come in
his due time.
I am so grateful for the opportunity to
learn this though. I am so grateful for the time I had here, to come to better
know my savior and these people. This year and half has been hard, and
exhausting. However, it has also been wonderful, joyous, full of laughter and
love. This year and half hasn't been the best of my life but it has honestly
been the best for my life.
I know with all my heart that this is the
True Church of God on this earth. That Joseph Smith is a prophet and did
restore it. I know God lives and that he loves us. I know that Christ lives and
he is truly wonderful. I know that I know that I know, that all we need to do
is what Alma said to Helman "Look to God and Live"
I will miss these people, and their rich
culture. I will miss the German language, the scenery and houses. I will miss
the smell of freshly braked bread as I walk down the streets at 10 in the
morning. I will miss these peoples testimonies of the Gospel and how strong they
are. There is so much that I wish I could bring back to America with me. So
much that I have learned from these wonderful wonderful people.
I will miss wearing the little black badge,
I will miss the spiritual setting where I learned and grew so much into the
person I am today.
This experience has been a once in a life
time chance. I couldn't image my life with out these people, this country and
my faith and testimony I have come to find on my mission.
I know this isn't the end though, it is the
start to a new beginning. I am so excited for the new miracles, the new
memories, and to take the things I learned home with me. I am excited for my
new transfer and my new area, because it will be wonderful and blessed.
I want to give a shout out to all my
wonderful companions who helped me along the way, who guided me, and who helped
me be better. I have learned from all of them and they have call become dear
dear friends. I don't know what my mission would be without them.
Now for the days activities. So this will
be my last email, because next Monday I will be heading over to
Freiburg, where the temple is. We will spend the time there having interviews.
Tuesday we will head up to the spot of land where President Monson dedicated
the land. We will then go back to Freiburg and have a finisher testimony
meeting. Then Early Wednesday morning we
drive to Dresden where I will fly out and I arrive in DC that afternoon! it is
Crazy I still sometimes cannot believe it. It doesn't feel quite real yet, but
I guess it will be quite real in a week when I am on the plane home.
You are all so wonderful, I am so grateful
for your support and prayers as I have been out here. I have enjoyed such much
getting your emails, and letters. Again thank you so much
See you real soon,
Love Sister Toma
